Not about baseball.
I returned to work last week, after taking most of June off to be with my brother as much as I could in his final days, and then dealing with matters after his death on the 10th. There are, not surprisingly, a lot of things to do when someone close to you dies. Mom, Christina, Jen and I had to arrange a memorial, get Michael cremated, and start dealing with all of the stuff that collects over a life. And, of course, there’s the emotional side of things – grieving for a brother who was a friend, and realizing, ever and again in the little moments, that I can’t ask him what this is for, or where this thing came from, or any of the other things.
I’m also doing other things that I haven’t done in weeks. Last Thursday, June 28th, for example, I booted my iMac into Windows for the first time since April 21st. Since Windows is where a lot of my games are, this means I haven’t been playing much – I have Diablo III and City of Heroes on the Mac side, but my single-player games are mostly Windows.
It feels like I’ve been sleeping, in a way. Which is terribly inaccurate, since one of the signature themes of the last couple of months has been that I’ve had a hard time sleeping. In addition to the stress of Mike’s health (or lack of it, more properly) and then the memorial arrangements and estate stuff, I’e also been having back problems again, which have been giving me headaches and making it hard to find a comfortable sleeping position.
Which is not the sort of thing you spend a lot of time complaining about when your brother is dying. I didn’t feel – still don’t – that I have much of a right to complain. Mike didn’t, and he was in much more pain than I ever was.
I know that doesn’t mean that my pain is invalid or not worth dealing with, which is why I’m dealing with it now that I have time.
Wish me luck.